Wednesday, March 28, 2007

It's All Over Now, Computer Blue

I'm taking a break from working on illustrator tonight. Sometimes, when I've been working too long, I lose total patience. I'm in a wretched mood. Writing, has always been something that calms these kinds of blues. I have no one else to talk to in the late hours of the night. And damnit, I need to vent. I'm under the gun to get t-shirt designs sent into different companies, so they be can judged and hopefully printed. I put this awful amount of pressure on myself for god knows whatever reason. And it sucks. I hate the way it makes me feel. It spews all of the fun out of what I do. I have to take a break or I'll happily punt my computer out of my window. I'm so miserable, and I wish I could give people an honest reason as to why. Which makes things all the more worse. I'm sure a million people can relate to feeling this kind of depression. And I'm sure tomorrow when I wake up I'll feel back to normal and slightly horrified at how negative this blog will wind up coming off. Despite that, I don't care because right now I feel unhinged with sadness. Today I gave my friend some money and took her out to get something that she desperately needed. And she told me to do something selfish for once because I'm so damn nice all of the time and she thinks I get fucked over repeatedly because of it. While, that was totally sweet of her to say. I don't mind being the way I am, it is no disguise for martyerdom. And while she thinks I get the short end of the stick most days. I actually don't feel that way. I will say that part of who I am is keeping in emotions for the sake of making others around me feel more comfortable. Which is a total unrealistic and totally crazy way to conduct my life 100% of the time. A lot of the time it is for the greater good of situations. But today I will let it hang out ugly, and bitchy. For It is making me clinically nuts to hold back. Maybe I'm just raging that I can't get my work done?

No comments: